As I lived alone in shame and pain, I cried out to God…Who am I? If you need to catch up on the New Glarus series, click here.
Broken beyond belief…
Useless damaged goods.
Where do I go from here?
If I am not Mrs. then who am I?
If I’m not Christian married mother
What. Am. I?
My mother always said my mouth would get me into trouble someday.
These are those days.
I could not stay silent.
Stay silent when he turned his back on me, on us, on God.
I paid the price.
Discarded like a piece of trash,
Crumpled like a written mistake.
Hurt. Alone. Frightened.
Strong hands pick me up.
A few people look past my shame.
They risk their reputation
To uphold mine.
The sun still shines but it is dark
and I wonder if I will ever see light again.
Thirteen years of precious life.
Gone. Spent. On the wrong person?
Perhaps. In the wrong way?
Definitely.
I. Don’t. Believe. in Divorce.
But Divorced I Am.
Linking with
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I believe. You don’t believe in divorce. What a painful time and what a good place to be where you are right now.
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this is indeed a painful place to be..good to know that he will catch us when we fall
He does catch us, and He has caught me! As I’ve expressed in many of the previous comments, this post is a part of a memoir series. I divorced over 15 years ago, and God has been so faithful! Thanks for your kindness, and I hope you come again.
smiles..cool to see that you linked up with dVerse..and yes…the topic is a perfect fit for the prompt..
I’m glad you think so. This was lots of fun, I’ve met a lot of new people and visited many sites I never would have known about before. Thanks for letting me know about this.
you, my darling, are not damaged goods….
you are love
you are light
you are brave
you are alive
you are grace
you are good…
this time will not be forever…the sun is waiting to, once again, shine on your face when you are ready
Love and Light
This is one of the most lovely comments I’ve ever received. Thank you for your encouragement. Actually, this post is a part of a memoir series. My divorce was over 15 years ago, and His grace has been with me every step of the way. I’m looking forward to checking out your blog, because your comment was a piece of poetry in itself.
so glad to know that time has past for you kd…the sun is beautiful isn’t it?
I look forward to having a visit from you in my space….
Love and Light
Can’t imagine what you are feeling, but you are His Beloved. =)
Thank you Esther. Actually I am writing about my divorce which was over 15 years ago. God has been good and His grace has been more than sufficient! Thanks for coming by, I hope you will come again.
This post breaks my heart for you and makes me think a little deeper about my parents’ divorce. As a kid, I enjoyed love, caring, attention, quality time with my divorced parents. Now that I am a mother, I admire my mom even more for smile she put on, the happy times she gave us despite the hurt she surely must have felt. All I can say is you are loved, by your children, your God, and your readers. Your journey cannot be destroyed by this bump in the road.
Actually, this is part of a series of posts written as a journal of my journey. My divorce was almost 15 years ago now, and all I can say is God is so good. I’m glad this piece caused you to have a new respect for your mom. Being a single mom is really difficult. Thanks for stopping by. I hope you continue to visit often.
Thank you for sharing with us your most inner and some private feelings and how showing us how God has showed up each and every time. This blog has been such a blessing to
me…
I’m glad it has blessed you. It has blessed me to because I’ve reminded myself how faithful God is.
So beautifully written. I can feel the pain and I admire the power of the last two lines.
My Blog
It’s horrible that divorce makes people feel broken, or worse yet, mistakes. Some things work, some don’t, and it should NEVER be a reflection on YOUR worth.
So glad you found your way to the light, and to The Light. We may make mistakes, but we are NOT mistakes! 🙂
Your thoughts seem as raw as they probably did to you when you wrote them and I was surprised to read in comments that it had taken place fifteen years ago. How do you feel about it now? I’m willing to bet that you believe divorce is sometimes the best destination for a road full of pot holes and that you are feeling strong and independent!
I think that it’s easier to admit how I felt now, than it was then. I guess I couldn’t face my own feelings at the time, it would have pushed me over the edge. In the end, God has been good to me. If you continue reading the series…you’ll find out how! 😉
Your post reminds me of the trials we face that deepens our level of compassion. I think of difficult things I’ve gone through in life, and could have chosen bitterness over growth. I see people differently because of my hardships. Thank you for sharing yours.
That is so true! I was really reminded of this lately when I wrote a post for my other blog What In the World R U Doing 4 Christ’s Sake? I wrote about a friend who was having a difficult time returning to church. I always quickly judged those who didn’t regularly attend services, but after hearing her story, I realized that I had been wrong. http://whatintheworldrudoing.wordpress.com/2011/11/02/sketches-in-the-dirt-2/
Ah… Best-Friend-Blogger, me too. 15 years, 4 kids, and an “I never did love you.” Catholics don’t get divorced, or so I thought. A prayerful spirit is what lifted me above the shame.
I’m so sorry, Adela. I can’t imagine someone unable to get along with you. You are such a dear! Maybe we can get together over the Christmas season. My mother should be visiting for awhile!
How heartbreaking, Kim! I’m am so sorry that you had to go through that. Thank God, that He can take everything in our lives — the good, the bad, and the ugly — and make it work together for our good. God bless you!
He is a master at making something beautiful out of our messed up messy lives!
wow…def hard…the line ‘Crumpled like a written mistake.’ is so full of emotion…i dont believe in divorce but here i am…feel that as well…went through a really tough marital time last year and faced this…we have come far since and recovered but it was hard enough to look at much less live through…
I’m glad God is bringing you through…
sometimes divorce is inevitable. we marry for the wrong reasons.
…or when someone changes from their core beliefs. Thanks for stopping by!
Crumpled like a written mistake. I agree with Brian. Full of emotion. The whole poem.
It’s times like these we can cling to the the truth that nothing is wasted in His economy. I believe it.
That’s so true! I have my son from this relationship, and he is truly a reward to me.
I can relate to this poem.. i was once defined as The Divorced wife of…
no more, I am simply me….I define me.. as you will too…
it’s important to write and heal:-)
Now, I’m just defined as “________’s” mom. 😀
An honest share….personally I have not experienced this as I have been in the same relationship for many years. but I feel your pain and anguish… there is always hope and love for all of us ~
Thank you for stopping by!
Wow this is an amazing write. Even though the circumstances are not fresh the feelings in these words are so powerful. The sense of a loss of identity along with the relationship in question is very insightful especially from a christian perspective. Ultimatly God is the one who gives us our identity and our selfhood, our dignity and our hope…. all of which I see shining here 🙂
You are right, and it was God that brought me through and reminded me who He says that I am.
This is beyond intriguing and perfect for the dVerse prompt. The tougher the change, the better the results, though hard to believe when your in transit! If people didn’t change, then relationships would have the benefit of being more stable…but I sincerely believe that in our freewill, we are the force that drives the changes.
Thanks for your encouraging words. It is true that difficulties help us to grow.
So powerful and expressive. I’m glad you have the gift of words to let your feelings out.
I’m glad that you think that I have the gift of words… 😉
Powerful write.
Thank you, and thanks for stopping by!
Unimaginable pain but through your words.
Thanks for coming by oceangirl! I hope you found healing in the words of others, since you found pain in mine.
A very powerful piece. A lot of pain, but a lot of power too. My guess is that you will come through.
Thanks for coming by David. Actually I was divorced over 15 years ago, and God is good, He did help me through. This is part of a memoir series that I’m doing.
touchy situation, well presented.
🙂
Thanks. You have no idea how touchy! :{
What a beautiful gift you have! Thanks for sharing such a painful part of your journey with us. I’m grateful the Lord has brought healing to you over the past 15 years. What a powerful voice you can be as you speak Truth and hope to others going through similar seasons of brokenness.
Sweet blessings to you~
Cindy 🙂
Wow! I’m so honored to have you here Cindy! I don’t usually write things so depressing, this is part of a series of memoirs…I’m so excited that you’ve stopped by, I think you’re my first real celebrity! You’ve made me day!
There is always a solution to relationship,
divorce shall be the last option,
good luck.
Glad to rad you today!
Yes, it should always be the last option. Unfortunately, in my case, that was what I had to do. But that was 15 years ago, and God has wholly renovated my life. “)
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As the others have already commented, this is so raw that it reads like it could have happened more recently than 15 years ago! And it’s beautiful, the way we can look back on past hurts and see how He was holding us through it all. I am really enjoying your memoir, and how in memoir the line between past and present sometimes blurs and adds mystery to the story. Thanks for linking up again!
You’re welcome. It was kind of intimidating. There was a lot of real poetry there. I’m not sure my writing qualifies as poetry…I like the term poetic prose.
so true that believing alone does not a fact make 😉 (does that even make sense? hope you get what I mean) I believe it is time for me to go to bed – lol
I think I understand. Do you mean that it takes two to make a marriage work? And that if only one person is working to improve, there may be trouble?…I need to take a nap… ;D
Divorce certainly was one of the biggest changes I ever went through! It was 30 years ago but I remember the scrambled brain pain of every single moment of those first days. I know for sure I never felt like damaged goods, however. I just felt damaged, and was grateful for strong friends around me to hold me up, hold on tight, help me hold on.
I do believe in divorce! No one should stay in a marriage that is damaging them physically, psychologically, or spiritually. And it is so very very good to come out of it all a stronger person in the end.
Lydia,
Thank you for your kind words. You are right, no one should stay in an abusive situation. I was only surprised to find myself in one, but alas, God is good.