Deidra Manning is an inspiration to me. She shares from the most intimate parts of her life, and that is a very brave thing to do. Having struggled with eating disorders and depression, she shares with an open heart how she continues to walk in victory. Please make sure that you visit her place, The Middle. You won’t be sorry!
I never wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. Ever. Not because it’s hard, not because it’s a huge sacrifice, not because it’s all guts and no glory, not because I don’t like being a wife and mom, but because I was afraid—of silence, of myself, of not mattering, of losing my identity in the laundry and cleaning, of not using my education, of causing financial hardship for my family, of failure.
But almost two years ago I was pushed into it—that space, those feelings—when I got fired from my job. I wondered where God was and why He let it happen; I thought I was being punished. Banished from my comfort zone, I was stranded in a strange land. I didn’t want to be there; I didn’t ask to be there; I couldn’t understand. I felt trapped in a place I wasn’t made for.
But the truth is, I was created for the very place I was scared of.
Home is still. Home is peace. Home requires the real, authentic me. Home demands my full attention, requires every piece of me. Home forces me to listen, to look into the world through windows of love, to enter it through doors of grace. Home is where truth is ignited, where full acceptance is found. And that’s what I was afraid of—being, listening, changing, becoming. I was afraid of me, of what He would require.
I thought home meant missing out, but home really means being full. I thought home kept doors closed, but actually, it opens them.
That’s what happens when God meets you in the place you’re afraid of—He transforms it, makes it wholly yours, gives fresh purpose, reveals the truth.
My home, once scary, is now sacred. It’s where He meets me daily and reminds of His grace. It’s where He’s teaching me to sit and listen—it’s where I’m finding freedom to be me.