On The Places I’ve Called Home

Grimy ghettos,
graffiti-graced brick walls the only chance for beauty.
Parents just survive and “don’t know where that girl has gone!”
Cats rummage in alleys where big boys bully babies
until there are no more tears,
and iron missiles fly like kites for a passage of rite.
For you can not become a man without a
notch in your belt::
Death dodges a bullet.

Uppity suburb,
artsy district with history
of American legends
both in writing and french fries.
Famous artists and architects,
fine dining and paintings
where nobody is anybody unless
you sing/act/dance/paint/write;
I run because::
I. have. no. talent.

Burrowed hobbit home
in the middle of dairyland,
bringing rabbit’s escape to
Alice so that she can preserve her Wonderland.
Crystal forests,
leaky roof,
smell of growing mold
and all that is green and thriving::
I grow; out of reach.

Busy ‘new money’ sprawl
where no one dares their hands touch
brown earth or soapy water.
They pay ‘people’ to do that.
And “it’s so hard to find good help these days,
don’t you know?”
And though my face may be falling
I prefer jowls than knife to skin
and to money spent on self and an image
I’ll never catch up to::
because it was never mine in the first place.

In ordinary
middle class
America
spring has sprung and
carries with it songs of
lawn mowers and robins,
radios and roaming children
whose parents aren’t afraid to let their
hands get dirty::
all the while intoxicated by barbeque.

I cannot afford the riches of my former life.
When I lived on Easy Street.
They are far too expensive.
For they bankrupt me from
smelling fresh cut grass that I’ve mowed myself
and squeaky clean dishes
which my middle-aged, middle-class, middle-of-the-road gloveless hands have wiped free
from what was left behind on plates that I’ve filled with home-cooked food,
from a kitchen I clean myself.
This past plunder keeps me from neighbors who sit on
the porch even though it’s far too cold,
but who look for community just the same.

This is where I’ve found home.
I much prefer
the life of common –
But it may not be where I stay.
Only time will tell where the path may lead.
They say that home is where the heart is.
But a remnant of my heart is left in each place,
And a remnant of each place is left in my heart.

linking with d’verse Poets

and my dear Emily: center>

We’re Walking Each Other Home – Guest Post by Emily Wierenga

Emily needs no introductions here a Painting Prose, because she’s the reason we’ve been spending time together on Wednesday and Thursdays. We love her, don’t we? And it’s time for me to walk you home to her place, because next week Imperfect Prose will be resuming. Thank you for the privilege of hosting this most beautiful community. I have loved every minute of it.

i made spaghetti last night, and it might have been a mistake. but i drank my glass of white wine and wound noodles round my fork while the boys slopped red across the kitchen.

“what’s this called?” joey asked, pulling the noodle between his lips and i told him it’s “slurping.” slurping noodles. one of life’s grandest and least classy of learnings.

“God is everywhere and all around and in every people?” he asked me then, my god-son who’s living with us while his mom finishes school. and his brother slapped at his lettuce leaves as kasher rolled around in his walker muttering to himself and aiden ate parmesan cheese.

and trent and i, searching out the door for patches of blue.

“yes, yes he is,” i said.

“he’s sitting here beside me, and in the bathtub, and all over my bed?” Joey asked. spaghetti all over his bathrobe and face and there’s not enough soap in the world…

“that’s right.”

no blue sky today, just one heavy cloud. i drank my wine a little too quickly and look at the clock. perhaps we could get them to bed a bit earlier tonight.

but then it was as though the years heaved and i could hear them growing, these boys all gangly and long, like sentences winding into paragraphs. and i hadn’t taken the time to read them, for the hurry to wash behind their ears and mop the floor and take out the trash. i hadn’t stopped to make them laugh, to find out their favorite color, to race them in the soggy spring grass.

God is everywhere and in all things and every people and he’s here among us in our children. if we would only look closer. and he’s in all of us, all awkward and gangly and it’s this that i want to celebrate with you. this awkwardness. this beauty of being clumsy and far-sighted and absolutely adored by the Creator of the Universe.

so let’s take the time to read each other. to marvel as sentences weave into paragraphs. let’s not try to perfect what only heaven can. instead, let’s be messed-up weirdos, walking each other home.

and i think i was mistaken. there was blue sky all along. i was just looking in the wrong places.


(this coming wednesday, on april 11, we’ll be re-starting ‘imperfect prose on thursdays’: a place for the broken to band together; a place to call home. things have changed a bit, but the premise is the same. so won’t you join me? and in the meantime, will you help me give dear kd sullivan a standing ovation for her humble hosting these past weeks? she is God’s grace in my life. love you all.)

If you are new, please check out Emily’s blog. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and you need to be acquainted with the woman who made all of this happen!

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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Painting Imperfect Prose

If this is your first time here, let me explain what we are all about. We are a community started by Emily Wierenga. It was called Imperfect Prose. She is on a bit of a vacation as she has some extra responsibilities at the moment.

If you are new, please check out Emily’s blog. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and you need to be acquainted with the woman who made all of this happen!

Painting Prose. I can pick up a brush and change the atmosphere in a room. I simply dip my brush into a can of bisque paint and visitors will stop by and feel refreshed and notice something different, but never be able to put their finger on exactly what that “something” is. Or I can douse my roller in the pan with soft baby blue bringing comfort and peace. Because color can change they way we feel. And so do our words.

I want to baptize the brush of my life in red. That my words may be colored in His Blood and maybe with a little of mine too. Because that is where life is. In the blood. What doesn’t cost me at least a part of my life, doesn’t cost me much at all. And I want to give you more than I can afford. Regardless of the cost.

That our blood would intermingle; His and mine, until you cannot differentiate between the two; His Words and mine. For I can hope for nothing less than that out of the abundance of His heart I would allow my mouth to speak. Our blood, intermingled in His heart; His and mine.

And I no longer remember what it was that I wanted so badly yesterday. Because worldly desires have been pumped pure in His life-organ, purified, seven times by His Words. Until at last I have become a painter and my world is my canvas. I am Painting Imperfect Prose.

Join me in anticipation as dear Emily prepares to lead our community once again. She will be guest posting here next week, and then we will be returning back to her place after Easter.

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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It’s Not Nice to be Mean – Guest Post Adela Crandell Durkee – Painting Prose

Adela’s Once A Little Girl was one of the first blogs I stumbled upon as I began my blogging habit. I’ve been hooked ever since! She’s made me laugh out loud on several occasions, and then in the middle of my laughter, she’s brought a catch in my voice with a point driven home.  Adela’s words are written with such nostalgia and her voice brings me back to so many sweet memories. She is also the first blogger I found who lived in the same metropolis as I do…and we’re even meeting up at a writer’s conference soon! Needless to say, I can’t wait to hug her neck. I’m sure you will enjoy writing as much as I have!

When I was a little girl it was important to be nice.  Captain Kangaroo told me the magic words:  “Abracadabra, Please and Thank you.”  If I forgot, Mom or Dad reminded me, “Now what are the magic words?”
When I was in Kindergarten, I had a bunch of teachers, one at a time, most of the names I forgot, but I remember Mrs. Brown.  She was mean.  My older sister, Deanna, had Mrs. Markley; she was just like a grandma, so nice.  For some reason Mrs. Markley was out of school when I got to Kindergarten, I never figured out why; I thought maybe she died, ’cause teachers lived in the school, so if she wasn’t there, she must have died.  But the next year, Mrs. Markley was back; all the rest of the kids in my family had Mrs. Markley. I wondered where she went the year I started school.
The new teacher, Mrs. Brown was not nice; she was mean. Mrs. Brown told me I had to drink white milk, no chocolate milk, even if that’s what Mom wrote down for me to order.   “We don’t need to bother Mr. Rex with all these special orders.”  Mrs. Brown told the class.  Mr Rex always smiled when he delivered the milk. He was in charge of the whole school, he had a chain hooked to his belt with keys to every door in the entire school,  and he was super-nice.  Mr. Rex was the janitor.

Mrs. Brown had big “bowls” that hung way down below her waist; when she bent over they brushed on the table, and she kept a wrinkly hankie tucked in her belt.  I think she used the same hankie all week.  Her face was all pinched and grumpy like her hair got pulled back in her bun too tight so she was starting to get a headache, and she smelled like cottage cheese and boiled eggs.  One day she passed out brown construction paper with a picture of a leaf on it.
“You can color your leaf any color you want, because fall leaves are colorful.”  she told us.  I colored mine yellow, like the hickory tree in the field behind my house; Mom put hickory nuts in the cookies she baked.  Dale colored his leaf green.  Mrs. Brown picked up Dale’s leaf and held it up for everyone to see.  I thought she was gonna tell us how beautiful it was, ’cause everything he did was the best; I loved Dale.
“Children.”  she said.  Mrs. Brown always called us ‘children’, I don’t think she knew our real names.
“Look at this leaf.”  she pulled her eyebrows down low and together, so they touched each other.  That was not a nice face to pull, I knew that.
“No Fall leaves are green.”  Now she was shouting and Dale looked like he wanted to cry, except he knew that big boys don’t cry, and he wanted everyone to know he was a big boy.  It’s okay for big girls to cry.  No one told me that, but I saw Mom cry lots of times, sometimes she even cried what she called happy tears, like when Dad gave her something nice on Mother’s Day when she thought he forgot,  and me and Bonita had already made her mad by picking lilacs and breaking some of the branches down, and she tried hard to act happy.  So I knew big girls cry for all kinds of reasons, but not big boys, they never cry.  If big boys feel like crying they just swallow hard, till the feeling goes away.  Dale was  swallowing  so hard pretty soon he was going to have a stomach ache.
I piped right up, ’cause I had a really good memory.  “You said we could color them any color we wanted.  Remember?”  I probably don’t need to tell you that my helping made things a whole lot worse.
That night after supper, I told Dad that Mrs. Brown was mean.  He sat me on his lap and listened to the whole story.  One really good thing about my Dad, he was a very good listener.  He listened to every bit:  about the milk, about the coloring the leaves,  about Dale swallowing hard, and about me reminding Mrs. Brown.  I left out the part about how I loved Dale, but he might have known anyway.  Sometimes he knew stuff, the way Mom did, although his powers were a bit weaker.
“Maybe she just had a bad day.’ he offered.
“If that was it, she has an awful lot of bad days.  Like every day.”  I looked up into his blue eyes; they were calm and clear, like her was figuring out an arithmetic problem in his head.
“Well, tomorrow, I want you to go right up to Mrs. Brown, put on your best smile and say, ‘Good morning, Mrs. Brown.  How are you today?’  I bet that will get her day off to a good start, and things will go a whole lot better.”  I must have looked doubtful, ’cause then he said, “You’ve got the best smile I ever saw.  That smile will charm the socks right off Mrs. Brown.”
I still had my doubts, and I wasn’t that interested in seeing Mrs. Brown’s feet, but the idea of her socks flying off was pretty funny, so I started to laugh. Besides that, Dad knew a lot, like how to tell arrowheads from rocks and how to tie a hook on a fishing line, so I trusted him.  The next day, I marched right up to Mrs. Brown, and said just like Dad told me:  “Good morning Mrs. Brown.  How are you today?”
She smiled right down at me and said.  “Now, don’t dawdle, go hang your coat up.”  I was thinking about saying “Abracadabra, please and thank you.”  but I wanted that smile to stay right where it was, so I stayed quiet.
A couple of weeks later, Mrs. Brown was gone, and we had a new teacher, who must have been nice, because I would have remembered another mean one.  I found out years later, that the principal asked Mrs. Brown to “step down’ and she did.  I heard she suffered from depression, which in those days, went undiagnosed for most people.  I’m glad that Dad gave me the advice he did; I got to feel like I had a little control, while the parents worked things out behind the scene.    Of course I’m not always nice;  it’s good to know I have a (w)itch  in my tool belt when I really need her,  but I prefer to be nice.  I feel a lot better about myself and I end up feeling better about whatever meanie I come up against.  And I try to keep in mind, that the meanie might be dealing with problems that are far beyond my comprehension. Besides, smiling is infectious, and I love smiling.

Drop a note in the comment section to let Adela know how much you enjoyed hearing about her childhood.

If this is your first time here, let me explain what we are all about. We are a community started by Emily Wierenga. It was called Imperfect Prose. She is on a bit of a vacation as she has some extra responsibilities at the moment.

If you are new, please check out Emily’s blog. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and you need to be acquainted with the woman who made all of this happen!

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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When Fear Postpones the Birth of Dreams – Guest Post by Shelly Miller – Painting Prose

What more can I say other than that I adore Shelly’s writing? I am thrilled beyond words to hear her mention the four-letter b word, “book”, and can not wait until she shares her thoughts with the world. Her prose is full of images both visual and experiential. In this piece, I see daffodils waving in the wind, and I feel the heartache of letting a child mature…and as usual, she stirs my emotions with her poetry in prose. Please accept my invitation to visit her beautiful blog…Redemption’s Beauty.

Daffodils stand at attention in perfect rows, their yellow faces saluting the sun. Branches sway windy, waving pink fairy dust as I breathe the beauty of what blurs past my windshield. New life pops confetti on bare branches and today, I let go of my daughter’s hand. Watch her dance the last stanzas of childhood in this circle of life we share.
She turns sixteen today. A day she begins to collect her own packet of seeds to scatter. (Mark 4)
Because aren’t we all farmers of what he gives?
Yesterday I squeezed her dimpled knuckles. Today, wearing wet hair and tall boots, she drives away in her white Volvo with cardboard owl swinging from the mirror, pop music vibrating.
Later, in the quiet empty, I wipe off the syrup pitcher, put her dirty dishes in the sink, notice the pile of cards holding checks from friends stacked neatly beside her place at the bar. Pieces of hope paper stacked for the promise of a mission trip to Jamaica.
Sixteen years ago, H caught me standing in the closet sobbing silent tears over my pregnant stomach. Fear puddled out in knowing what my mind could not comprehend. That this life inside would change me, change us forever. I didn’t know how to master cultivating a successful life.
Who can master a life He gives with a story already written?
A book of invisible pages revealed to the muse in whispers by the author, at the turn of each day.

Last night, I crawl into bed next to my husband, sigh deep and he asks me what I am thinking.
I share my brick on the chest feeling over the birth of this book-writing journey. How words stumble when someone asks me why I haven’t started the book yet. Because I don’t know how to conquer this petrifying perfectionism that needs to know the outcome before I start something new.
Sixteen years later, I am pregnant once again, gasping for breath and knowing I won’t know the outcome about this either. The fear of failure postpones birth.
When He gave me my own packet of seeds all those years ago, they came with simple instructions. Just plant, water and weed. The outcome, well that is His job.
I cannot see all of the beautiful blooms yet on the life that is my daughter; what color they will be, how tall they will grow, how long they will remain on the vine. I cannot linger over the engraved letters on the spine of the book penned in my name, know how many hands will hold it, or how it will transform a life.
But I will continue to do my part: plant, water and weed.
I will wait on Him for the outcome.

But those that were sown on the good soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit, thirtyfold and sixtyfold and a hundredfold. Mark 4:20 ESV
Are you stuck because of fear of the failure? Has it kept you from birthing a dream?

Please take the time to comment and let Shelly know how much this piece blessed you!

If this is your first time here, let me explain what we are all about. We are a community started by Emily Wierenga. It was called Imperfect Prose. She is on a bit of a vacation as she has some extra responsibilities at the moment.

If you are new, please check out Emily’s blog. It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and you need to be acquainted with the woman who made all of this happen!

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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Apparently, I Have A New Occupation! – Painting Prose Community

Many of you commented on how beautiful my button is!  I love it, don’t you?  My art student son made it for me…but there is a funny story.

It was rather late, and he had way too many things to do.  To be honest with you, I probably had no business asking him to do it for me.  But I did…and when I told him the name, he looked at me funny.

“Why are calling it that?”  he said.

“Because the lady I’m doing it for is a painter, and it’s kind of a play on words,” I answered.

He shrugged.  The next morning I had an e-mail from him.  It had an attachment with a button much like this one, except that it said, “Painting Pros”.  Suddenly, I understood the quizzical look on his face the previous day!

 

If this is your first time here, let me explain what we are all about.  We are a community started by Emily Wierenga.  Her meme was called Imperfect Prose. She is on a bit of a meme vacation as she has some extra responsibilities at the moment.  If you have a piece of writing that you would like to share here, please link up with us, include the button with your blog post, and visit other community members in order to spread some love and encouragement.

If you are new, please check out Emily’s blog.  It is one of the most beautiful places on earth, and you need to be acquainted with the woman who made all of this happen!

 

JourneyTowardsEpiphany

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