Some days it’s hard.
Some days I don’t feel like counting,
or searching. A day like today.
I have a slight headache from tears,
bad news and fears,
and all is not right with the world.
But I know that beauty is there,
I just don’t care to see her.
I want to be ugly,
and I know that moments of grace
will melt ugliness away
like the rain melts the snow in my backyard.
I force myself to read His Words to me.
Dragging my body like a toddler in tantrum,
kicking and screaming I enter His presence.
“Why one step ahead, two steps backward, Lord?”
the depths of me pour out, unchecked.
Now the sun creeps across my living room floor
to illuminate a sign on my fireplace shelf.
“Great is Thy Faithfulness”
and I am glad that I’m wearing no shoes
for I stand on holy ground.
Hands trembling from exhausted fits of fear,
I open my box of remembrance stones,
and pile stones upon a single sentiment
scrawled on lined paper.
“I choose joy.”
Now an altar rises
a permanent holy place, Bethel,
a monument marker between He and I.
I will not go back.