Upon Having a Meltdown in the Midst of a Polar Vortex


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Snow mounds pile waist high and the hairs freeze in my nose.  My cheeks tight with razor winds, and still my insides puddle, melted down and useless.

I’ve come to a often visited place – the end of me.  And though I am a frequent visitor, I foolishly forget this rugged terrain.

Responsibilities pile mile high and I freeze in my tracks…melted down and useless.  Weather beaten sign states, “Welcome to The End of Yourself.”  Cried out, tired and weary worn I shuffle past the sign and like the famous prodigal wondering why I ever left, I lay down to rest in leftover angel’s wings made in powdery snow.

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Because the end of me is the beginning of Him – when I let Him Be.  

I’ve been gently reminded that the responsibilities never came because of my greatness, but because of His. So they are His, they belong to Him, these responsibilities, and He can do what He will as soon as I get out of the way. 

Out of the way to let Him Be.

And is a meltdown such a bad thing when my heart has been cold as ice? And full of self?

Webster’s says that meltdown is 3 : a breakdown of self-control (as from fatigue or overstimulation) 

And burnout is  the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time.

Isn’t this always the case?  A meltdown comes when I try to be in control of everything and everyone.  When I try to control circumstances that are beyond my control?  

And burnout? When did I lose sight of his yoke being easy?  and His burden light?

Burn out causes meltdown.  Burning the candle at both ends until there is nothing left, when I gloriously recognize that I am in way over my head and there’s nothing left of me to work this out. Fireworks and shooting stars!  I’ve been working and not gracing. 

His grace is sufficient, and His love is overwhelming. These tasks are better trusted to His grace than my works. The warmth of His love has melted me down amidst a polar vortex and Hell can not freeze me over.

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Upon Having a Meltdown in the Midst of a Polar Vortex

  1. Ahhh – the end our ourselves. Indeed a relief to remember, there alone, lies greatness. His. Not ours.
    It has been a long winter my friend.
    Spring is on the way.

  2. I am your neighbor at Imperfect Prose. Getting out of the way. Hard to do when we have so much to do. But I know what you mean. It’s been a message on repeat for me most of the winter. For me the melt down comes when the tasks, and their being accomplished or not, start to in my mind, become the gauge of my character. Good mom vs. bad mom. Organized & healthy vs unmotivated & lazy. That running conversation in my head is always a precursor to meltdown burnout. I love your photos too, especially the first.
    Cheers,
    Leah

    1. Thanks for visiting Leah! Yes, it is hard to identify with who He said we are rather than what our actions say that we are. But we must look into the mirror of God’s Word!

  3. oh friend, so good to see you back at #imperfectprose! and i love these words… i ache for this place you’re in and yet, i rejoice too because he is able to do so much more than we could ever ask or imagine in Christ Jesus. (ephesians 3:20). love to you. e.

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